I suspect its a dream that many people have to do something similar ( there were three other people bidding up the cost of this "dream" alone.) In a way it doesnt really matter what the dream is at all, just that it appears ridiculously beyond what might be possible given current circumstance.
I returned on my own the next day. While stood in the field and looking around at the ruins, sheds , acres of weeds,etc. I had a really bizarre feeling, which I've only really experienced while climbing occasionally in the past. A sort of overwhelming adreneline high caused by the knowledge that you are imminently about to "go for it" and damn the consequences, that its the right thing to do and you cant stop yourself.. In the full knowledge that you're about to bite off too much and maybe choke, you still stuff some more in. A better example might be the feeling you experience a few moments before doing a massive bungee jump. Well I had that big-style and nearly completely bottled it,almost running screaming from the site yelling "No way too big, too much work, too long, too expensive, (insert favourite excuse here)"
Luckily I didnt, though I was somewhat negative on return to home. It was really thanks to Aprils' belief (in me ) that it could happen and that we could do it that we got to the offers stage and then secured the place the following week. I'm quite sure that I would have talked myself out of the story otherwise.
Of course (for those who already know us) the idea of doing up a place isn't new to either April or myself, its just this place is BIG! Our previous house had a 70 square meter outside amenity space , this has 70 THOUSAND sqm of outside space. As a city dweller for so many years it was an intoxicating feeling just knowing that, let alone walking around, drooling at the thought, "this could be mine, mine, all mine, mine I tell you !". We HAD to buy it !
Our previous place has its own story to tell ,Couperfield House in Leith ,
the restoration of which was filmed for Channel 4's "Grand Designs" during 2003/4. Its online here if you've not seen it.
The important thing was that it took 18 months of slog for us to build it, mainly by ourselves. After that we decided to have kids and I needed to build an extension so I took another 18 months to build the most overly complicated design I could in a miniscule 35 sqm.
Nice though. The copper cladding alone took 6 months nearly of my spare days (and now I cant find a photo of it!). It all reached a natural conclusion after Lundy was born. A 2 bed house, completely finished wasnt going to keep me entertained anymore. We sold up about 18 months later. I'd worked on every square inch of that property. You learn something from that kind of labour input into one building. From the very foundations to the last lick of paint, every step seems just miniscule as part of the whole house, yet amazingly and soul-sappingly-slowly at times, it does eventually get finished. This time I didnt have Aprils assistance either since she was incapicitated by children. (This is worth remembering, any wannabe self builders out there! - you need a "right hand (wo)man" )
Prior to that house we had a modest 2 bed traditional flat which came complete with carpet beetles, leaking roof, condemned boiler, etc. I once punctured a water pipe and had to pay through the nose for a plumber. I needed a structural engineer to reassure me removing one of the cupboards was safe. At the time these challenges were the biggest I could deal with (or not!) and my DIY skills were hardly much different from the average person I suspect . Like building the house one step at a time, the skills and confidence needed built up and this has taken years as well.
Did I know I'd need all these skills in the future? Nope, I just LIKE learning them or (more frequently) NEED to learn them to get me out of some mouth-jammed-with-food-unable-to-breathe situation I'd ended up in.
Which reminds me of an even earlier story. I'm one of three partners at alien rock (above) and when we started our business in 1994 it was in in need of major work (of course!). We had had the climbing wall frames designed, we'd ordered the one kilometer of steel section, hired the welding plant. We just had to start - and none of us knew how to weld properly !. The first welds I did fell off the metal when tapped. You panic, you fret , you just have to try some other way (swop the leads over !) and you learn something useful that takes you to the bigger dream.. Thats also where I met April for the first time- she rather liked me in my leather welding jacket apparently... ;-)
So, very briefly ,thats how I find myself , complete with family, in "another fine mess" as Oliver Hardy used to say. And he knew a thing or two about stuffing his mouth full I bet.